Don't Want None Unless You Got Bun-Buns
by cottonspore
Summary: Zhao Yun is well known animal lover. He can't help himself when he finds some adorable bunnies and takes them in as pets. But, like most people who adore animals and just take them in - his fellow roommates, Ma Chao and Jiang Wei, aren't exactly with it and demands that he sets them free. Though he as the intentions to do so, other things come up, putting a snag in his plans


_**A/N:** For Oohkahmee _

_Hello! =u=_

 _First off, thanks for taking the time to stop by and read this ;u; i can't stress enough how much i always appreciate that 3 (cause for one thing, im just terrible with summaries and i dont know how to make them appealing waaah ;w;)_

 _*ahem*_

 _So yeah - I wrote this story based on this headcanon that me and my friend developed (lol which was based on her art!); Zhao Yun adores animals so much anytime he goes into the woods, he likes to rest in their company, whether it be bunnies, deer, squirrels, etc. The animals like him, too - sometimes the bunnies would follow him home, and eventually he caved in and made a rabbit pen for them to stay._

 _HOWEVER,_  
 _since this is in modern times, his friendship with animals somewhat test the friendship he has with his roommates, and things get a little crazy =u=_

 _But anyways, I'm gonna stop blabbering now so you can enjoy the story. Comments are very welcomed uwu_

* * *

"Good night, Nibbles."

"…"

"Good night, Cinnamon."

"…"

"Good night, Cashew."

"If you don't take your bunny loving ass to bed,"

"And don't worry, I didn't forget about you, either."

Zhao Yun stepped outside of the cage of his little bunny children and walked past the couch on which Ma Chao was sitting. He jokingly planted a kiss on his forehead like he did for the bunnies, only to have Ma Chao angrily wipe it off and groan.

"You know, we can get in so much trouble if the landlord decides to stop by and find those furry little nuisances in here. I'm not about to get evicted because you couldn't find the common sense to let them out in a field somewhere." Ma Chao grumbled, no longer paying attention to the TV and focusing his attention fully to Zhao Yun. The show he was watching had ended anyways, but a new program was starting – much more suggestive than the last.

"The landlord won't find out because you guys won't let him find them." Zhao Yun stated matter-of-factly, pouring a glass of milk while he was in the kitchen. "I'm sure you guys will hide them if it ever came down to it."

"No, the landlord won't find out because there won't **_be_** any bunnies to worry about in the first place." Ma Chao turned around on the couch to make sure he made himself clear. Zhao Yun was in the middle of his third glass of milk when he was challenged. He eyed Ma Chao over the rim of his glass until he was able to set it down.

"What exactly do you mean by that?"

"Exactly what I meant."

"Okay, which is?"

"What did I just say?"

"I'm waiting for you to clarify that."

A closing door could be heard from down the hall as a groggy Jiang Wei made his way into the common room. Investigating what all the hullabaloo was about on his way to the bathroom, he instantly regretted the decision to show his face and tried to retreat back to his room.

"Jiang Wei!"

Jiang Wei flinched at hearing his name being called.

"You're a true friend who wouldn't abandon me in need, right?"

"Yeah Jiang Wei, you're also a true friend who would be honest and tell it like it is when someone needs to hear the truth, right?"

"Of course Jiang Wei is, cause he knows that when one of his friends are wrong, he will put him in his place and prevent any further arguing."

"Good, 'cause it's nice having a best friend like Jiang Wei who is equally fed up with a common problem and will help us solve it."

After the banter subsided between the two, expecting eyes found their way to Jiang Wei, finally ready for his input.

"Um..yeah." Jiang Wei quickly turned on his heels only to be halted again by another shout of his name.

"Jiang Wei! We both know how important my bunny daughters are to me, and I know they've grown on you as well!" Zhao Yun declared, speaking for Jiang Wei regardless if he even really cared about the bunnies.

"Jiang Wei, do you want a place to live or do you want to roam with these rabbits once we get kicked out?" Ma Chao offered with equal resolve.

"Guys, I just came to use the bathroom-"

"Zhao Yun, we need to get rid of them. They poop so much and don't even eat the lettuce I give them."

"You always give them the gross, brown parts and never boop their noses."

"They make weird noises and grunt every time I come into the room."

"You probably _wake them up_ when you stomp into the room and make them grumpy!"

"I can't hold it any longer, I really gotta-"

"HOLD IT IN, JIANG WEI. WE'RE NOT DONE."

"B-but…!"

"I don't like the sideway glances the spotted one gives me when I go to pick up the remote."

"Maybe you shouldn't watch dirty movies! And her name is Cinnamon!" Zhao Yun whipped his hand towards the TV as a very racy scene began to unfold on the TV.

"Oh yeah, her name _is_ Cinnamon.." Ma Chao noted the name of the scantily clad lady that had appeared on the TV screen as he somewhat attempted to change the channel.

Zhao Yun marched over and snatched the remote from Ma Chao, turning the TV off. He spoke before Ma Chao could counter with anything else now that he had his undivided attention. "Look, I don't see what the problem is. It's not like they're messy or hard to take care of and they aren't harming anybody."

The glares Zhao Yun received made him reconsider that statement.

"..Well, okay, it's not like they're _that_ messy. But how are they hurting anybody?! "

"They're weird, they're nosy, and I just don't like them. That's how they're harming anybody." Ma Chao countered grammatically incorrectly.

"Z-zhao Yun, w-we know you mean well, but you don't know how to really care for them," Jiang Wei chimed in, doing a little potty dance until he was able to go to the bathroom. "Lettuce is fine, but they aren't b-beavers – feeding them p-pencils isn't good for their health."

Zhao Yun looked at the aggravated Ma Chao and then the fidgety Jiang Wei next. Zhao Yun released a deep sigh, as if their unwavering gazes deflated any spirit he had left.

"Fine. _Fine_." Zhao Yun finally surrendered. "I'll try to see that they find a proper home."

"Soon."

" _Soon._ " Zhao Yun confirmed, resting his saddened eyes on the bunny cage.

A heavy silence fell within the room as no one motioned to leave or say anything. The only thing that could be heard was the ever-shifting Jiang Wei as he continued to hold in his faculties - the constant movement finally drawing the attention of his roommates. Or better yet, finally drawing the care of his roommates. Jiang Wei looked at the dejected Zhao Yun then the complacent Ma Chao.

"May I finally go to the bathroom?"

"Sure, I guess?" it sounded more like a question than a reply, but Jiang Wei was finally able to charge towards the bathroom without any further arguments to hold him back.

Zhao Yun shook his head as he thought about his bunny dilemma on his way out of the room. Ma Chao snatched back the remote from Zhao Yun's hand and turned on the TV.

"Well, you said goodnight to your Cinnamon, I guess I better say good night to mine," Ma Chao shrugged with a pervish grin beginning to spread on his face.

"UM, NO, not in front of my children!" Zhao Yun grabbed the remote back and switched the TV off again. "I don't want Cinnamon getting any ideas, she's too innocent." Zhao Yun folded his arms like that of a defensive mother.

Ma Chao narrowed his eyes while gritting his teeth.

"Yeeeah, they gotta go."

* * *

The song of a morning bird perched at his window had awoken Jiang Wei. According to the clock on his dresser, it was 10:12am and the faint smell of bacon and blueberries had confirmed that. The other two had already left to go to work, meaning that Jiang Wei was responsible for cleaning up breakfast after he ate. Having the day off, Jiang Wei finally rolled out of bed – getting a start to the day.

Upon opening the door, the faint smell of the breakfast foods instantly grew stronger. Jiang Wei made his way into the kitchen to find a few sticks of bacon alongside a couple of speckled blueberry pancakes left for him on the stove. The level of blackness of the bacon indicated that Ma Chao was probably the cook this morning; meaning that the pancakes were probably inedible, too.

Letting out a sigh, Jiang Wei went to the refrigerator to look for some bacon and pancake mix to prepare himself. As soon as the refrigerator door opened, rustling in the other room could be heard. Peering over the fridge door from the living room were three pairs of beady, little eyes; expecting Jiang Wei to know what they wanted.

"Oh, you guys must be hungry, huh?" Jiang Wei concluded once he pinpointed the source of the rustling. "Give me one sec and I'll be right over."

Jiang Wei found what he was looking for for himself and set them on the kitchen's island. Once he turned on the oven to preheat it, he located the romaine lettuce in the fridge; shucking off some of the browning leaves before heading towards the bunny cage.

"I'm sure Zhao Yun probably fed you before he left, but a little snack in between meals shouldn't hurt," Jiang Wei rationalized as he gave each bunny a leaf. He stepped inside the enclosure and sat down among them. Their noses twitched with every chew, and just knowing that they wouldn't be here much longer made the moment even more special, Jiang Wei realized. He knew it was best that they go, but they had definitely grew on him.

Jiang Wei stroked the forehead of the fully tanned rabbit as it munched furiously on the leaf. She was only halfway done eating when Jiang Wei picked her up to fully examine her cuteness.

"Don't tell the others, but you're my favorite, Cashew." Jiang Wei whispered as he continued to pat and stroke the bunny.

Completely preoccupied with Cashew, Jiang Wei failed to realize that the stove had begun to smoke and soon the fire alarm went off. Jolting up from the strident beeping, Jiang Wei attempts to run over to the stove, only to trip over the light frame that was the bunny cage. He knocks it over, dragging the blanket along with some of the poop that was on one side of the cage. Regaining himself, he runs over to the stove to beat out the fire that had ignited on one of the burners. Finding that whipping at it was proving to be futile, Jiang Wei began to smother it – finally extinguishing the fire completely. There was a little residue left from the small flames, but he was able to wipe some of it in order examine the stove settings. Jiang Wei smacked his head with a strong palm; he looked at the settings only to realize that he had the turned the wrong dial; setting the heat level for one of the burners instead of the oven.

Heaving a sigh of relief now that that was over, Jiang Wei turned his attention back to where his little Cashew should be, only to find that the cage had pretty much been destroyed. He ran over to the cage frame, fearing that he might have crushed the poor bunnies under their home – but not a single bunny lay in sight. Somewhat relieved, somewhat about to crap his pants, Jiang Wei fell on the arm of the sofa not knowing exactly what to do. Even if he did catch, no, wait – even _when_ he caught the bunnies, where could he put them?

Jiang Wei glanced at the clock positioned above the TV. He had actually wasted a lot of time cooing after Cashew before his late breakfast, because the time was now 12:36pm. Quickly, Jiang Wei had tried to prop the mangled frame up to at least have a makeshift cage ready for when he caught the bunnies, but instead of cooperating, the cage simply fell down. His next idea was to find a bowl big enough to fit them all in, but his conscience got the better of him – thinking that they might feel like they were about to get cooked.

Interrupting his thoughts, the faint sound of keys jangling on the other side of the front door brought Jiang Wei into full-on panic mode as he threw himself at the door.

"D-don't come in! You're not ready yet to come inside!" Jiang Wei asserted, regardless of not knowing who was on the other side of the door.

"What the hell do you mean I'm not ready to come inside?! I am not coming home after a long ass shift having to deal with that crazy Wang Yi chick to hear that- Wait.. JIANG WEI DID YOU BURN SOMETHING AGAIN? I CAN SMELL IT OUT HERE!" Ma Chao furiously turned his keys in the lock, but Jiang Wei's weight was preventing him from entering. Not by much, though – with every push of the door, Jiang Wei was bumped back a bit; being a little less stronger than Ma Chao.

Also, right at that same moment, the whoosh of the fresh air drew the attention of the bunnies as they scurried forward from their hiding places - trying to escape the smoke.

"M-m\Ma Chao, wait! You can't open the door! U-um, something bad has happened you can't see it!" Jiang Wei protested nervously, watching the bunnies come closer with every pound of the door.

"I can smell it from out here, Jiang Wei! You're already banned from cooking as of right now!" Ma Chao barked from the other side. "Just let me in already! You know my life is on the line any time I step outside this door!"

With one giant heave, Ma Chao barged in – knocking Jiang Wei onto the floor and allowing the bunnies to escape once the door was fully open. Ma Chao eyed the crumpled cage as he closed the door, oblivious that he had let the bunnies escape. He raised a finger as he questioned the condition of the caging.

"Uh, why's the cage like that?" Ma Chao asked while stepping toward it.

Jiang Wei scrambled to his feet and pulled on his hair; eyes on the verge of tears as he dashed for the door to see if the bunnies were still in sight.

"N-no…no no no no no NOOOO!" Jiang Wei whimpered as he fell to his hands and knees.

"So you fuck up the rabbit habitat AND the stove?! Well, the stove is more important since that's essential to how we live," Ma Chao waved his hand through some of the smoke as he walked over to the stove to assess the damage. "Well, you did a good job of burning absolutely nothing, so there's that."

While Jiang Wei was still sobbing at the front door, a new train of thought interrupted Ma Chao's inspection.

"Okay, so wait a minute. Were you trying to cook the rabbits or something and then dispose of them? Cause again – where ae the rabbits at?" Ma Chao set down the charred pot he had picked up and slowly approached Jiang Wei, eyeing the destroyed cage along the way.

Jiang Wei held back some sniffles before picking himself up to face Ma Chao.

"M-Ma Chao, Z-Zhao Yun is gonna b-be, g-gonna be…"

"Going to be upset once he learns that you tried to eat his rabbits? Going to be home in a matter of 45 minutes? Going to feel bittersweet now that we don't have worry about being evicted because of those fluffballs?" With each new thought, Ma Chao grew happier as the benefits of not having the bunnies around outweighed Zhao Yun's sadness. Zhao Yun was his best friend, but the bunnies needed to go and his sadness would only last for like a week. Or two. Or three months. Or even longer than that.

Ma Chao rubbed his forehead as the gravity of the situation started to settle in. Jiang Wei was not helping the situation, either.

"MA CHAO! WE HAVE TO GET THEM BACK! IT WAS A TOTAL ACCIDENT! I-I was feeding them, and I forgot the stove was on, a-and the next thing I know, I trip over the cage a-and then, h-here we are now!" Jiang Wei threw his hands up in exasperation.

"Ugh, calm down, Jiang Wei! We're going to get them back, we just need a plan." Ma Chao paced the floor a little before an idea sprang to his mind. "Okay okay, I think I got something. Come on, we only have 40 minutes to work with before he gets back!"

Jiang Wei looked at Ma Chao doubtfully, but he didn't have any ideas of his own that they could try, so he had no choice but to obey.

"Ahh, man, it's a good thing I got paid today.." Ma Chao muttered as they walked outside of the apartment.

* * *

Keys dangled at the door as the lock was being undid. Anxious eyes bounced from the door to each other as a new presence welcomed himself inside of the apartment.

"Play it cool, _play it cool._ " Ma Chao demanded with his eyes as he watched Jiang Wei shuffle about uncomfortably. Jiang Wei jumped up from the chair adjacent to Ma Chao, only to sit back down then stand right back up. Ma Chao forced a smile onto his face – trying his hardest to restrain the urge to shake some calm into Jiang Wei.

"O-oh, hey Zhao Yun! H-how are you this, um, uh," Jiang Wei looked as if he was about self-destruct as he tried his hardest to recall how to greet Zhao Yun.

"Afternoon?" Zhao Yun finished for him, a bit confused at Jiang Wei's unusual behavior.

"YES THAT! Y-your afternoon, yes, how was it?" Jiang Wei snapped his fingers indicating that was the right word he was looking for.

Zhao Yun eyed him down before speaking. "Jiang Wei..you know that thing you do when you're trying to cover something up? You're doing it right now.."

Zhao Yun had barely walked into the apartment, and only took a step forward to see if it made Jiang Wei any more jittery than he was. Jiang Wei cleared his throat and shook his head – knowing that if he spoke, his voice would give him away.

Zhao Yun took another step forward, causing Jiang Wei to squirm even more. Zhao Yun watched him from narrowed eyes, then shifted his attention to Ma Chao.

"Why aren't you saying anything?" Zhao Yun directed his question to Ma Chao, watching his body language for any indication as to why they were behaving so weird.

"Hm? Me? I'm just sitting here. Miiinding my own business." Ma Chao stated plainly.

"You do realize that you're watching a blank TV screen, right?" Zhao Yun replied while raising an eyebrow. He took another step further into the house. "Just what is going on here? You two are acting so weird!"

In the split second of him saying that, Ma Chao had wetted the arm of the couch with his sweaty palms and Jiang Wei tugged at his hair – only to swiftly put his hand down to appear 'normal'.

"Well whatever, you two are.." Something made Zhao Yun stop midsentence.

"HELLO, WHAT'S THIS?" Zhao Yun began to march away from the two of them – and that was all that was needed to set Jiang Wei off.

"ZHAO YUN, I'M SO SO-"

"ZHAO YUN IT WAS ALL JIANG WEI! I TOLD HIM NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF ONLY HE WAS MORE CAREFUL!" Ma Chao jumped up from the couch to yell over Jiang Wei.

Zhao Yun shot them both concerned looks as he marched past where the bunny cage was and examined the charred pot on the stove. "Yeah..okay..well, to be fair, Ma Chao, you _did_ burn the bacon this morning, so.." Zhao Yun spoke slowly as Ma Chao and Jiang Wei panted from being so on edge.

"Okay, you know what, I don't know what's gotten into you two," Zhao Yun sat the pot back onto the stove and entered the living room with the other two. "But I know my widdle bun-buns always remain the same!"

Zhao Yun dropped down in front of a familiar bunny cage then began to coddle a bunny with tan spots. Ma Chao and Jiang Wei could do nothing but remain frozen as it was now the moment of truth.

"Whose my little Cinna-bunbun? Kushi-kushi-kushi~!" Zhao Yun booped the bunny's nose with his own.

Ma Chao and Jiang Wei sigh in relief, their shoulders dropping the mountains that were once on them.

But after 20 seconds of nose booping, Zhao Yun lowered Cinnamon down from his face as if the boop was somehow offensive.

"Wait a minute," Zhao Yun halted his affection. "Something's not right.."

Ma Chao and Jiang Wei instantly froze again.

"Uh, w-what's not right, Zhao Yun? Everything seems right to me, aha. Haha. Ha…" Jiang Wei tried to obey Ma Chao's eyes again when it came to 'playing it cool'.

"Did you guys do something to Cinnamon?" Zhao Yun inspected the bunny, eyeing the fur suspiciously.

"Uhh, no?" Ma Chao started, not knowing if that answer would suffice.

"Hmm. It's just that her spots look.. _different._ " Zhao Yun concluded, still inspecting the bunny. He then looked at her teeth. "Did you feed Cinnamon this morning?"

"Oh, y-yeah, just romaine lettuce. That's all he ever eats, aha. Haha. Hahaha…" Jiang Wei stammered nervously.

"He?" Zhao Yun questioned with inflection in his voice.

Ma Chao smacked his forehead and shook his head. "Ohh boy.."

Zhao Yun lifted Cinnamon in the air, only to find out that lo and behold, Cinnamon was now a boy.

"WHAT THE-?! CINNAMON IS A BOY NOW?! ARE YOU SURE YOU FED HER ROMAINE LETTUCE!?" Zhao Yun yelled, flabbergasted at his bunny's sex change.

Ma Chao turned around to face Jiang Wei with his hands in position as if he was going to choke him.

"Why would you _say that!?_ "

"I'm sorry! I just remembered what the guy at the pet shop told us and it slipped out!" Jiang Wei whispered back, just as loudly as Ma Chao.

"GUYS, WE GOTTA STOP FEEDING HER ROMAINE LETTUCE! I MEAN HIM! WE CAN'T FEED HIM ANY MORE ROMAINE LETTUCE!" Zhao Yun screeched in the background of their conversation.

"What are we going to do?! They all needed to be girls!" Jiang Wei bawled his hair into his hands again.

"And if there's just one girl in there, that means.." Ma Chao vacantly thought out loud.

"WAIT, WHY DO I HAVE NINE BUNNIES NOW?!"

Ma Chao and Jiang Wei exchanged looks, knowing they had already passed the point of no return.

"WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO TO MY BUN-BUNS?!"

"We…we have to tell him.." Jiang Wei stated plainly, his face expressionless.

"No Jiang Wei, I think he already knows.." Ma Chao replied just as flatly.

"I WANT MY BUN-BUNS BACK! I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU TWO!"

* * *

 _ **A/N:** I'm so sorry for any OOCness and for anything that was terrible in general ;u;_

 _I hoped you enjoyed the read, and if you didn't, i thank you for taking the time to read it anyways ;w;_

 _If you liked it, thank my friend Oohkahmee, if you hated it, blame me c:_  
 _I will also take this time to shamelessly promote her - check out her art and tell her how much you love it - she will appreciate it immensely and you will make her heart smile =u=_

 _Oohkahmee's art tag -_ oohkahmee . tumblr (dotcom) / tagged/doods-and-scribbs (of course i can't post links here, but this is it in modified form :P)


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